Dublin Opinion

In the latest twist to the government’s ongoing battle with the economic reality, the Minister for Finance, Brian Lenihan, has called for a “voluntary” ban on 1980s tribute bands as they are creating negative sentiment among Irish consumers. “People are going home after such shows and crying uncontrollably on fake leather sofas” he said, “instead of doing the sensible thing and buying houses in Cavan.”

The minister also said that,

We’ve worked hard over the past ten years giving huge tax breaks to builders so they can tarmac vast tracts of overpriced land with unregulated estates devoid of amenities, miles from the workplace, lacking any sense of community, only to see all that effort go up the Swanny through the irresponsible efforts of a few musicians determined to end the party with a setful of Smiths covers and a bunch of flowers up their arses. It’s simply not on.

He went on to say,

Sentiment is a volatile thing. It’s all well and good stuffing yourself with self-pity, slumped in the back of Grogans wearing some overcoat you’ve just bought in Eager Beaver, but unless you’re out there actually spending money on at very least a fucking house then I’m afraid the government can’t help you. The decade-long rimjob we’ve given to domestic construction is the only economic policy we have. It seems to me that the Irish people expect us to come up with at least one new fiscal policy that doesn’t involve construction. Well! If that’s their sentiment then I’m afraid the economy will not be decently sentimentised, and without a decent rush of sentimentability among Irish sentients, well then sentiment will start to slide and before you know it we’ll be back to drinking snakebites in St. Stephen’s Green and propping up disco walls in McGonacles with Ian MaCulloch haircuts. Now, again, It’s simply not on.”

The minister’s comments come at a time when the Irish economy is on the tip of a recession. Well, here at Dublin Opinion, We’d like to do our bit to tip that economy towards the good times once again. So, in the interest of sentimenting the Irish economy, here’s 80s icons Haircut 100 singing “Fantastic Day”.

This one’s for you Brian.

Enjoy!