Dublin Opinion

Alistair Campbell’s much anticipated diary of his time as Communications Chief under Tony Blair has been published today. While Alistair decided not to serialize the book in any of the newspapers, despite lucrative offers, it’s reported that he received a £1 million advance and its already number 3 on the best seller list. So you can be sure that the wily Campbell will capitalize on what is already a publishing sensation. Reading the extracts provided so far in the Guardian today, however, it’s also clear that a film version of the Diaries is not far off.

In fact if you hadn’t known that Campbell was a hack political editor for the Daily Mirror, turned spin doctor extraordinaire, you could say that he missed out on a promising career as a screenwriter.

Here’s his telling of the first meeting with Gerry Adams and Martin McGuiness in Downing Street Thursday, December 11, 1997 rendered as a screen play.

Scene 1: Interior - 10 Downing Street. In the PMs office AC nervously taps his pen against his clipboard as he watches TB slowing drinking his mug of tea. The mug is one of the customized types you get in tacky tourist shops with a photo of Tony in shorts taken on a summer holiday in Italy. Underneath is written ‘World’s Greatest Prime Minister.’ Mo Mowlam and Peter Murphy are in the background. There is a low grating sound, which Peter realizes, after a moment, is the sound of Mo grinding her teeth. Then she grumbles, Jesus, fuck, grrrrr, bastards, that lot, this lot, everyone. Fuckers.

Outside in the reception area Gerry Adams, Martin McGuinness and the rest of the SF delegation are talking in hushed tones while they look about the room. They keep calling each other over to look at pictures and objects of historical significance. All except one female member, who spends the whole time doing her makeup in the mirror.

Alastair Campbell: So we’re clear then. Don’t commit to anything, be firm and get them to drop the United Ireland line. Make some vague aspirations. Use words like ‘history’ and ‘progress’, ‘peace vs despair’, shit like that. Emphasis risk, we’re all going out on a limb here. People have lost limbs before because of Northern Ireland, but if they don’t play ball today we all could be pissing in the wind without a limb, politically speaking.

Tony Blair: Steady on, Alistair.

AC: No, you fucking steady on, Tony. They’ll be watching you. Their beady eyes will scrutinize every word and gesture. If its not right, if the sense of authority is not there, they’ll run back to Belfast saying you’re a fucking wet, just like John Major. [Tony Blair shivers visibly] Right, let’s go.

Scene 2: Interior Cabinet Room. Tony with an enormous smile takes the time to shake the hand of each member of the delegation as they enter. AC and MMG shake hands firmly, and lock eyes. The handshake last longer than the others. There’s a moment of tension when MMG wonders if AC will let go his hand. You can see that he’s considering yanking his hand away, but it breaks. MMG is the last to take his seat.

MMG: So this is the room where all the damage was done.

TB:[putting a hand to his mouth] Gasp!

AC: [under his breath] why, you-little-fuckers

MM: Gggggrrrr!

PM: Ha-ha!

MMG: [realising that they think he was referring to the IRA mortar attack on Downing Street when Major was holding a cabinet meeting] “No, no, I meant 1921, when the traitorous Collins signed the surrender treaty”

GA: Martin, of course, is referring to when this process began, the signing of the document that led to the perdition of partition and initiated the cycle of violence and despair that was perpetrated against a minority so cruelly separated from the strength of the majority for the purpose of emp…

MMG: [interjecting and yanking a thumb at MM] Where did you get hur from? She does nuttin, absolutely nuttin’…

MM: Listen here, you little twerp, I’ve worked hard on Nothern Ireland, but its not easy when no one listens to you. You don’t listen to me, the Unionists don’t listen to me, even he [pointing towards Tony] doesn’t fucking listen to me. I might as well be tal….

TB: [cutting across her] We now have a choice of history – do we chose violence and despair, or peace and progress? We are all taking risks, but they are risks worth taking. [turning to Adams] I want to be able to look you in the eye, Gerry and hear you say that you are committed to peaceful means, and when you say it, I want to believe you.

[During this little speech GA and MMG look at each other and to try to hide their mocking smiles. Blair is too carried away with his fine words to notice, but AC glowers at the two men]

TB: So, do you think…maybe…perhaps, as an outside chance that you could see your way, if possible, to drop your demand for a eh… united Ireland?

[Suddenly both GA and MMG speak at the same time]

GA: Well, I think that might be possible…

MMG: Absolutely not!

GA: Er, well, I mean, correct me IF I’M WRONG Martin…clearly, the prize of a lasting peace justifies the risks. Lloyd George, Balfour, Gladstone, Cromwell, [he raises a hand, gesturing at the portraits on the walls ]they all thought they had answers of sorts. We want our answers to be the endgame. A cobbled-together agreement WILL NOT stand the test of time.

[GA continues to speak, listing their series of basic demands, the release of ‘political’ prisoners, the total demilitarization of Northern Ireland, but as he speaks his voice fades and Tony Blair puts on a wistful face. The sound of Gerry’s Northern Ireland accent is reminding him of his Grandfather, the Orangeman, his summers spent in Ireland and the sound of the drum on the 12th of July. These thoughts seem to clarify something in his mind.]

TB [he seems more determined now, focused. He looks GA and MMG in the eye. He brings the edge of his open hand down on the table like a clever]: Let me make this perfectly clear, I, Tony Blair, will not be a persuader for a united Ireland. There must be consent across both communities. I can’t cut you a deal that would leave the Unionist sawn off and left bloodied and dying on the field of battle…

[AC, realising that TB is having another one of his visions, quickly closes the meeting. Hands are shaken, MM tries to talk to TB alone but PM quickly grabs her by the elbow and leads her out of the room. TB rushes back to his office, asking an assistant to send in another mug of tea. AC leads the female members of the SF delegation out of the cabinet room. As the last one leaves he mutters something to himself.

AC: Weird, boot ugly, not a looker amongst them.

Here’s a BBC Report on the meeting made on that day.